It was my grandfather's funeral. 
I didn't shed a tear, we barely knew each other. 

I was 7 at that time.
All I know is that he was a good person when he was alive.

A good husband, a strict yet loving father.

It was the first time I saw my mother cried. 

The next day I cried, because I saw the pain in my mother's eyes. 

Never knew she could be this way.

Turns out, my first parting is actually with the strong image of my mother, 

knowing she has this side too.

My grandmother and I were pretty close. We had rather complex relationship. 

We've been in a stormy relationship but the next day she changed into a sweet grandma.

We were closest when I was in my teenager years. 

She was sick, complications, so we expected the parting. 

Not long after going back and forth from hospital to home, we finally said our goodbye. 

We had done everything at that time, all the surgeries, all the prayers. But still, goodbye was hard.

I didn't remember crying at the funeral, but the pain was there.

It isn't love for sure. 

What they called 'first love' didn't happen at this moment. 

It was my first relationship and as you expected, it was merely fun.

We grew apart when we entered different uni, communication? 

Don't expect too much.

I didn't cry when it happened. 

But I did cry when I told my mother about it (about a month later). 

I am not sure what was the reason, may be I was too embarassed. After all, my mother-daughter relationship wasn't too close. 

It was love. I am sure it was. 

It took a month for me to fall for him. 

Another year to accept him.

Another year to think about the future with him.

Another (almost a) year to create plan for the future just to broke my heart into pieces.

I knew it was coming. I knew the plan was flawed and I had no idea how to fix it. 

So I did what I could do. 

Letting go.

I wasn't ready for it. I just wasn't in the right place at the wrong time. 

I was empty inside. I couldn't do things properly, couldn't think straight.

Not again, I thought to myself. This won't happen to me again, I promised myself. 

There's (in my opinion) no proper way to say goodbye (unfortunately). You can prepare yourself for it (when you already now what's coming) but when it really comes, it still hits you like a train wreck. There is though, a proper steps for grieving. I am not advertising these, but if you want to know more about grieving, you should grab a book by Kublr Rose called On Death and Dying. 

An absolutely beautiful book about grieving while I am trying to find meaning in my loss.